The reason. Well, my husband suggested I check out the local art college here to see what they might have to offer, ( He realized it might- at least- last as a diversion for about a week about me yapping about where I am going with this whole art thing-he is very smart.) So, I checked it out online and decided ok, I 'll see what they might have to offer me. Appointment on Monday with the academic advisor.
I was prepared and had intelligent questions and my work in hand for the appointment. I sat there in the waiting room, with two other moms and their sons. My name was called and the advisor said, "Colleen?" and I stood up. He said laughing," I was expecting an 18 year old." Went back in his office and explained why I was there. Figured out that I could take three classes as a guest student without having to formally apply and go through the portfolio process. I questioned him on the portfolio process and what I would have to do. He noticed my bag and asked if I had brought my work. In the same breath , he said he really didn't have anything to offer a quiltmaker. But he asked to see my work. I asked how long the appointment was scheduled for-an hour. So, I spread out my 3 works and he looked at me and said-how about you explain your process. And I did. How about your inspiration? I did that too. Why did you choose these colors or line placement with the stitching? I did that too. He looked at me and said, "It takes guts to come in here cold like this and explain your art . You just did a portfolio presentation. I think you could benefit from these classes . Would you like to see the student work from these classes? " So, I did. I was extremely patient with this young kid showing me around. A little irritated when he asked me if I needed to take the elevator or if I would like to walk a flight of stairs. Yes, a flight of stairs.
When he was done with the tour, I thanked him. And I told him that he might like to think of quiltmaking as more of an art from now on. He agreed that he definitely would and he would enjoy seeing where I end up after a few classes here.
I was crushed as I walked away. It wasn't the whole quilt as art thing. I was proud of how I presented myself and my profession. It was the feeling- so old- thing. Of course I knew I was 30 years older than them. It was the first time I really recognized I am almost 50. I look at myself and I don't see who I am now. A little grey and a little overweight. I just see who I use to be. I was so sad. Not really about how I look but the old part. I am not a vain person and don't really think about what I look like all day long. He was rude but I was old. A definite mid life crisis thing. I was sad.
But, then, it changed. Now, I am slowly realizing there isn't time to waste. I can push myself today and do what I want with my day which is to create with my hands. And the old can be experience. And wisdom. I just need to believe, that no matter what I decide to do, I can do it. I am really glad I am old and have chosen not to stick one of those round earrings in my earlobe to stretch it out. The earlobe is really going to sag when you add another 30 years of old to it. My art observation of the day.
So, thanks for reading this really long explanation of why I was whining. A mid-life crisis. I will continue to blog. And try to figure out where I am going. Off to sew.
Be creative, my friends!