There are no pretty pictures of what I have finished. There are no cheery thoughts today. I only have questions-deep burning questions that are bothering me to the core of my being. I am a physical therapist by profession and loved helping others. I was always gratified by my job-sure tired and frustrated by paperwork but always rewarded by the joy that comes with helping others. I feel a little selfish right now with only doing things that make me happy. And this was before I heard Eric speak this morning.
Eric is a minister who came to speak at my kids school this morning. He just got back from Haiti. He has been going there for 20 years to serve in various ways. He went to help with intrepretation for a medical response team. As tears ran down my cheeks after seeing the pictures and hearing the stories I am asking myself:
Could I sleep in a tent? I don't know.
Could I eat tuna fish and crackers three meals a day? Could I live without a shower for long periods of time?
Could I not wash my uniform for days on end?
Could I help move a stretcher-yes
Could I help bandage a wound-yes
Could I do it if the patient didn't have any pain meds?
Could I debride a wound? it's been a long time
Could I give a bottle of water to a thirsty child?
Could I teach someone how to use crutches or to wrap a stump? When will there be crutches? are there Ace wraps?
Could I stand their pain? Could I hear their stories?
Could I be used in any way-here or there? I don't know but I need to ask myself some serious questions and pray about how I can use what I know and what my hands can do. I know it's more than just dropping some money off. And it doesn't involve adopting a child. They need to be in their country for now. They have had enough trauma.
I will sew today. But I am not sure it will be happy sewing. What would you do for another?
i battle this often, but i know that not everyone is called to do the same things. comparing and judging or being made to feel bad or guilty isn't healthy (i say to me. i say to you) i too felt like i was more useful when i was a massage therapist...more so than now as an artist. so i get it. but i also know giving and doing sometimes has to be done for the self...and somehow, SOMEHOW if it is done in a healthy way it isn't selfish or lacking or wrong. we can't all be mother teresa. so dont feel guilty. you have a husband and kids to care for. sometimes some people just need to be NORMAL and live life.
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